By now, many of you have seen the Netflix documentary, "Take Your Pills," a cautionary tale of Adderall addiction in America. After discussing on reddit and twitter, I wanted to come to my blog to share my thoughts as someone diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.
I've always known something was wrong in my brain, something was off. But because I was smart and quiet, I was never diagnosed as a child. I was creative, shy, and passionate about way too many things, but never disruptive. This gives me a different perception than the few people featured in the film who actually have ADHD and are not using adderall merely to get ahead in college or work. Let me start by saying #Itakemypillsbecause it evens the score, not because it gives me an advantage over anyone else.
The effects of my ADHD are felt from the moment I wake up. I get out of bed, turn on the lights, walk to the bathroom, realize I forgot to get water, walk to the kitchen, stop mid way through my walk to go turn on the shower, walk back to kitchen, get water. That's just within the first 3 minutes of waking up, and it happens almost every single day. A typical morning also involves brushing my teeth but realize it's so hard to stand there and brush, so I walk back out to the kitchen, start to get the dog's food ready, while still brushing my teeth, start prepping her food, walk back to bathroom, get dressed, realize I forgot to finish getting the dog's food ready, walk back out to kitchen, feed dog, get distracted by dishes/trash/etc, and make a mental note of something I need to buy, and forget it by the time I finally walk out of the door. Weekly, I misplace or loose things all together such as keys, glasses, credit cards, mail, jewelry, and so on. It's expensive and exhausting. Once I take my medication, after I get to work, a sense of calmness comes over me, and I regain control of my mind.
To be honest, I would take my medicine earlier (from the time I wake up) to help streamline my morning, but the overwhelming stigma of Adderall dependency and the scare tactics used in the media (such as films like "Take Your Pills") have created an internalized paranoia about becoming 'addicted,' so I make myself wait until work starts, and always skip weekends.
That I have internalized this fear of stimulant medication makes zero logical sense. Sure, amphetamines make you feel good. That's what they do, they increase levels of dopamine in the brain. But in a brain severely deficient in dopamine, they make you feel okay. As in, "I'm okay, I'm in control, and I know what needs to get done." Moreover, I do not have any 'addictive personality' in any possible form. (I've never experienced the feeling of being addicted to any thing, person or substance before, and am extremely conscientious of my relationship to different variables in my life #existentialism). So why do I suffer when I have the option of not?
This stigma is so pervasive that even after going to a psychiatrist, pouring my heart out and being diagnosed with ADHD, I still had colleagues, friends and family members question the validity of my diagnosis. As if I couldn't possibly have a brain disorder (because 'ADHD isn't real, just focus and try harder!') and that the Doctor I went to must have been part of the pill-pushing pharmaceutical machine.
The negative consequences of the stigmas ADHDers face, can be life altering. Perpetuating this misinformed opinion about the benefits and effectiveness of medications like Adderall shames people into forgoing treatment. It makes them question themselves, and leaves them with a feeling of consistent failure: If only I could just focus, if I just drank more coffee, if I just turn my headphones up louder, if I just write down a list, if I just isolate myself to 'get things done,' then I can handle it, then I can get the things done.
When you can't tune out the noise, when your brain feels like a freshly shaken snowglobe at all times, a thousand different thoughts competing for your attention at once, medication helps.
Medication, in addition to exercise, proper nutrition and accepting yourself for who you are, has made a world of difference to me and fellow ADHDers. None of us are looking for a 'leg up' in life, we are simply looking for an equal playing field.
Sure, people without a medical reason use these medications for alternative reasons, but the negative stereotype is unjust when applied to those working with their Doctors to improve their well being.